A personally tough winter…


This past winter has been one of the toughest for me personally for a couple of reasons. One is health related and one is house related.  I’ll start with the latter…

In December of last year, we had a flood in the downstairs of our house.  It started in the bathroom (the toilet backed up and spewed dirty water into the air!!) and destroyed both adjacent bedrooms.  One of those bedrooms is my home office.  When ServiceMaster came to clean things up, they tore out sheetrock, all the carpeting, cleaned everything completely and threw away anything that touched the sewage water.  When they left, it looked like the disaster area it was.  It took until just last week to complete the renovation of the bathroom and both bedrooms.

Meanwhile, I had no office and had to work in the regular part of my house…either in the family room,  or at the dining room or kitchen table.  Except for my clients, everything else was just harder to get done.  I would find my mind drifting to the floor that needed sweeping or the furniture that needed dusting or the dishwasher that needed emptying and I never seemed to get anything work-related done.  Or maybe I used it as an excuse to do nothing work-related because of the second issue…

For the last 25 years, I’ve been coping with a chronic illness.  After countless doctors and appointments and tests and even a couple of surgeries, I was still sick.  This past year has been the hardest and things just seemed to get worse and worse…to the point that I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything and I was beginning to feel depressed and hopeless and isolated.  Once I recognized that I was spiraling into a very dark place, I called my regular doctor and made an appointment.  She recommended a new specialist who has turned out to be a godsend.  He listened, ran more tests, continued to listen and finally provided the correct diagnosis and, more importantly, what to do about it.  I’m now following the instructions to a tee and am beginning to feel so much better physically. More substantial to me is that I am feeling so much better emotionally and I feel hopeful that I can at least have some control over it going forward.  It is still a chronic issue and I can never let up, but I’m no longer feeling depressed and I once again have energy and hope and motivation.

That said, while I was at my lowest, I found a few closed support groups on Facebook that became absolutely invaluable.  While I do have an excellent support system, they simply don’t understand what it’s really like day in and day out.  The people in those groups do. We are comrades in the trenches together.  It was such a relief to be able to ask questions and comment knowing that even my family and friends couldn’t see what I was posting. There is a real freedom in that and it got me thinking…

Over the years of posting on this blog, there have been very few public comments and many many private email comments.  Now I know why.  I get it and I’ve decided that I’m going to make my Facebook page a closed group in the hopes of allowing others to comment and post freely without having to worry about what their family and friends will think or say.  It just makes sense to me.  I hope that it will become a safe place for discussions of all kinds related to grief and loss (of people, pets and things) and caregiving and living with illness and anything else we can think to talk about.

I’d like to know what your thoughts are about a closed Facebook group.  Would you be interested in participating in open, honest discussions in a forum no one else but members can see?  Do you belong to other closed groups that have been helpful?

As always, if you’re not comfortable posting in the comment section, you can email me at translatinggrief@gmail.com or call me at 1.315.765.6530.




This entry was posted in Bereavement counseling, Bereavement Support Group, Coping with Grief, Counseling, Grief, Moods, Support Systems, Supporting a Griever, Telephone Counseling, Translating Grief and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to A personally tough winter…

  1. Juliet says:

    Lisa! Thank you for sharing! I was a member of a closed “grief beyond belief” group on FB when our beloved Samwise was killed in Rwanda. Yes, I think you’ve found your calling in a private group! Well-spotted, lady. I’m so glad your feeling better and wish you nothing but further joy and love and discovery!

  2. Anonymous says:

    I belong to a couple of closed groups..I find them a great way to ‘release’ what is on my mind, and when it is others that are experiencing the same or at least similar things, there is not any fear of some sort of judgement. Go for it Lisa, it is so important for so many to have an avenue of safety to walk on.

  3. crystal says:

    sorry to hear that you havent been feeling well but so glad you are on the mend.i think what you provide is invaluable to many.although i dont always read the blog i often refer friends and aquaintences to you.i think i a closed group is an excellent idea.
    miss you .

  4. tersiaburger says:

    Great idea! Hope you are feeling better

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